actually i didn't want to come online today, but having so much mixed feelings(mostly negative), i really have to vent out. yeah, so this entry's gonna be very negative. don't read if you dislike negative stuffs k.. it's not meant to spoil your mood, but to make my mood better. i know i'm selfish.
firstly, i think i should live a more carefree life from now onwards. why should i care so much about attendance, about your skills and how you play, about discipline when i have repeatedly lost my temper over these matters? why should i make my life so bad? just because i hold this post called SL? why should i make a fool of myself at every sectionals? be called around like a dog and slogging so hard to please instructors? and be asked for opinions when in fact, everything has already be decided?
just because..
just because an SL is meant to slave for the orchestra. i used to not mind all these. even in secondary school, my section gives full support in everything that the exco works for. but now, it's like doing things with no purpose. for the sake of that award that every orchestra is eyeing at. doing things with no purpose, and with no results shown.
and the extremely strong emphasis on something today stung me real hard. and kept from smiling or rather, caused all the tears in my heart. maybe in a way it's to drive everyone to work harder, but i feel i'm like a fool. a fool smiling away as if nothing happened. though the impact is probably only on me. yar, only the fool feels it.
a short convo.. them: so how's it today? me: huh? don't ask me. them: huh don't ask you? you leader leh dun ask u? me: dunno. i dunno anything. them: huh? one of them: today i p*** with yall leh, not good meh? me: orh, u referring to this huh. good. u p*** of course good.
what else could i say?
to make my life better (it will definitely be better after tonight), i shall not bother about anything. if people refuse to think, for others or for themselves, then i can't help much too. this is not stress, it's just, i feel, a basic humane thing that one should have. to know your limits.
and to some people out there who's mouth just lingers around grades, grades, grades, study study study, please, please get a life. life's not just about grades. it's also knowing what is exactly wrong with you and changing for the better. it's not like we never told you. maybe it's plain forgetfulness, maybe it's plain ignorance. stop chanting out your results out and asking people 'eh, how did you score for _____?', even when you see people in tears after getting back the papers. and telling everyone about your GREAT GOALS. oh wow. and how you excitingly studied hard to achieve them.
ok i know i'm horried, but i'm just so tired of repeating myself SO MANY TIMES, but yet...sometimes learning your limits is very important.please do k
anyway, it's getting late and i'm tired. physically and mentally. physically tired due to stupid PE and the hunt for my lost fullscap, mentally tired from dealing with all the disgusting people. sorry if i have offended you, but it's just blogging out all my feelings.
